the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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