We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
