Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
