Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
