wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
