I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
