She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
