If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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