If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
