it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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