I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
