So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
