K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
