We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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