We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know, be my cock's hype man.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
