i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so let's talk penis.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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