Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
