see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
