I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
