So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
