You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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