i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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