I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
