We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
