bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
