Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
