what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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