Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
