hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
