I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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