Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
