Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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