Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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