lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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