Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
