someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
being pregnant is like rehab
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
