Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we should paint friendship bongs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
