Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
