so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
