I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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