Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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