Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
