why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need water and some morals
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
