sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
