I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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