forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
