when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
