I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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