apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Couch. On fire.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
