the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My pussy is not your playground.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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