after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
