there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
